Don’t Make These Lingerie Mistakes

Finding lingerie that not only fits your figure great, but your personality as well, is tricky enough as it is.

Throw in the fact that you have absolutely no clue how to rock it and shopping for a matching bra and panty set can turn into a total disaster. Fortunately, you don’t have to look like a model to wow him in next to nothing. Check out these 10 dos and don’ts for donning lingerie, and get ready to strut your stuff sexy ladies!

1. DO Be True To Your Style

Stick to what you know and love. Don’t try to buy lingerie that is so far off from who you are that you’re no longer comfortable in it.  The goal is to feel confident! Confidence = sexiness, and your lingerie should be an enhancement of who you are. YOU wear the lingerie, so don’t let it wear you!

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Dating Rules

The do’s and dont’s of the world of relationships and dating.

No one ever said dating was easy. First dates are awkward, second dates are expectant and the dates that follow that -- during which two people really start getting down to the business of getting to know each other -- present hundreds, if not thousands, of opportunities for missteps, faux pas, blunders and mistakes. That is to say nothing of the myriad chances for problems to which you could fall prey while arranging, planning and preparing for dates.

We call too often or not enough, we're too
available or never around, we wear sandals to fancy restaurants, laugh hysterically at bad jokes, show up with blue carnations, gab on our cell phones during dinner and commit countless other dating crimes, mostly without realizing we’re doing it. No doubt about it -- bad dating behavior is a rampant affliction, and it's time to cure it with some common sense advice.

If dating is a game, then just like any other game, there are rules you need to study, learn and follow. After all, you wouldn't take the field without knowing where the base lines are, would you? (For those of you who are immune to ball field metaphors, the answer is "no.") While none of these do's and don'ts are set in stone -- and, as your mother told you, there are obviously exceptions to every rule -- here we attempt to equip you with an idiot-proof playbook for the fast-paced, intense, exciting, full-contact sport of searching for someone with whom to fall in love.......Top Do's and Don'ts -->.....

Dating Rules -- Do's

1. Do try to always look your best and be punctual. Showing up late or looking messy gives the impression that you don't care -- and, if that's the case, why go out with this person in the first place?

2. Do try to enjoy yourself on dates. Yes, finding your soul mate is serious business, and it can sometimes even be a scary endeavor, but keep in mind that this is supposed to be fun.

3. Do compliment your date on how he or she looks. Men and women tend to put a lot of effort into getting ready for a date, and it's nice (and flattering) to hear that all that energy paid off.

4. Do be interested and interesting. Ask questions, share insights and pay attention when your date is telling you what they like to do, read, watch, listen to, etc.

5. Do tell someone directly if you're not interested in seeing them again. Lying and stringing people along simply because you're too scared to tell them the truth is selfish and hurtful. If you don't want to go on another date with someone, let them down as gently -- but firmly -- as possible.

6. Do date only people you're attracted to, no matter what your friends say. Approval by your peers doesn't prove a thing.

7. Do stay positive, even when dates don't end well. It is most certainly true that you will date a few frogs before you find a prince. Along the way, you will probably meet some pretty nice people.

8. Do plan ahead. Dating is a creative diversion that requires concentration and energy, so make arrangements ahead of time and let your date know you put some thought into the evening.

9. Do be proactive about finding people to date. The man or woman you've been searching for your whole life is probably not going to come ring your doorbell and beg you to go to dinner anytime soon. Dating requires action, so get out there and meet as many people as you can.

10. Do surround yourself with positive, like-minded people who are dating, too. Part of the fun of dating is celebrating, comparing notes and commiserating with your friends. Surround yourself with positive people who are rooting for you to succeed at love and will be there for you if/when you need emotional support.

Dating Rules -- Don'ts

1. Don't call, text message or email someone you've just started seeing more than once a day unless they reply (or in the event of an emergency). Desperation and instability are major turnoffs.

2. Don't date the kind of people who've hurt you in the past. Many of us are attracted to people who are bad for us, but it's important to break these patterns and seek out healthy relationships with matches who won't demean you or make you feel bad about yourself in any way.

3. Don't be late for a date. It's just rude. If you have to change your plans, give the other person as much notice and consideration as possible. And always apologize.

4. Don't lie to your date or about any aspect of your life, even if the truth isn't as sexy or you're worried they won't like it. It would be awful to ruin a potentially life-changing relationship with your perfect match because of some silly lie you told early on to impress him or her.

5. Don't be too available. We don't mean you should play games, but if you're free every night, you're probably not taking care of yourself, pursuing your own interests and spending time with your friends -- which means you're probably not very interesting to talk to. People with full, exciting lives make the best dates.

6. Don't give away too much about yourself at the beginning. Revealing your innermost secrets on the second date can lead to rejection. Don't be scared to open up, but remember that getting to know someone takes time, and you should let your relationship evolve.

7. Don't check out other people when you're on a date. Ever. This is just tacky. You may think you are subtle, but while you're scoping the cutie in the corner, your date will be heading for the door. Extend your partner the courtesy of concentrating solely on them while you're with them.

8. Don't be rude or get drunk on a date. Courtesy and manners will get you everywhere.

9. Don't ignore your personal safety. Carry your cell phone and keep it charged -- and make sure to tell your friends where you're going and when you'll be back. First dates should take place in well-lit public places. Don't ever let yourself be coerced into going anywhere or doing anything that makes you uncomfortable.

10. Don't give out personal information like your home phone number or address on the first date. Keep these details to yourself until you trust the person you're dating.

11. Don't have sex on a first date. If you like someone and are interested in getting to know them better (and possibly having a relationship), sex on a first date will likely ruin everything. It's much too soon, it's not romantic and it communicates to the other person that you're more interested in their physical characteristics than in finding out who they are.

12. Never date a married person. Statistically, it is very unlikely that they will ever leave their husband or wife for you. Dating someone who's married is the best way to serve yourself a heaping helping of misery, lies, deceit, sadness and heartache. If you are married, separate before dating. If you're single, don't be a shoulder to cry on -- you deserve better. Go out and find someone who's emotionally (and legally) available to you!
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Single and Confident

Do you find yourself worrying what others think about you? When someone tells you to reconsider your ideas, do you stop in your tracks and reconsider your decisions? Maybe it’s just a passing comment about your choice of friends, career change, or your desire to remain single for now. Just remember, no matter what you do in life, there will always be people who don’t like you or the choices you’ve made. Everyone should simply learn to take criticism and move on. But single people must make it a priority in their lives to stop caring what other people think.

While it can be difficult, or even painful when others disapprove of our behavior and exclude us, it becomes just as hard to try living up to standards set by others. These standards may be contradictory to our emotional or physical well-being. The price we end up paying for living our lives according to someone else’s rules can prove to be dangerous. It can lead to depression and a crippling sense of unworthiness.

Take Criticism and Move On -

Get a different outlook on the situation. If someone disapproves of you, try to realize that it may have more to do with their view of the world than it does with you. However, if you look at the situation and feel that they may have a point, it is important to remember that the criticism is about what you’ve done, not about who you are.

Although it is normal to care about the thoughts of those you love, understand that sometimes their condemnation may be their own feelings of jealousy or insecurity. Always take a step back and get perspective on the situation.

It may be worth asking yourself the question ‘’ Why is their opinion of me more important than my own?’’ When you answer this question honestly and find that the answer is ‘‘it is not more important’’ then you just may be surprised at how good it feels to let go of the worry.

Take a risk and loose the habit of being dependent on the approval of others. It may feel dangerous at first to start letting the opinions of others roll-off-your-back, but before you know it, you’ll be free from the fear of disappointing the world. Step into the unknown and let go of the habit of taking someone else’s opinion above your own.
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Adult Lifestyle: Five Creative Dates She'll Love for Under $20!

Dating can be an expensive endeavor, especially in the early stages of courtship. Guys want to impress the object of their affection but for many, money is tight. Of course, no one wants to come across as a cheapskate. So that leaves the question, how can one date when funds are low? Well, it takes a little creativity and a little more work, but it is possible to impress a woman for under around $20.

Candlelight Picnic

What is more romantic than sitting under the stars with that special someone, feeding each other strawberries and having a little bubbly? To impress her though, it will take more than just throwing down an old blanket and unwrapping a Subway sandwich. Ask friends, especially women friends, to borrow some candles and a nice quilt. Rather than a full meal, prepare some fruit, cheese, bite-sized, easy-to-eat snacks, and get an inexpensive bottle of champagne. If possible, set up the picnic beforehand and surprise her. Women love romantic surprises and she will be impressed at your forethought and ingenuity.

Wine Tasting

This is such an excellent cheap date, and in most cases won't a penny. Search online for wine tastings in your area and make a reservation for two. Often, these are very classy events lasting an hour or two, and most have refreshments. They do all the work for you; all you have to do is show up.

Take a Class

Most places offer a free introductory class as a marketing tool to draw people in to signing up for future classes. Is there something your date has talked about before that she would love to learn? Whether it is ballroom dancing, Thai cooking, or martial arts, contact the school and ask if they offer free introductory classes for demonstration. Then, impress your girl by showing her you listened when told you she always wanted to learn how to cook. She will love that you tailored a date especially for her.

Death by Chocolate

As long as your woman isn't on a diet, this is an excellent date she'll love. Search your area for bakeries that offer sample sizes of their products. Then, for a small fee, you can get many different desserts to try (some bakeries will sell small slices of cake for a nominal fee for example). Invite your date over for coffee and dessert. You can purchase sample-sized coffee too, and brew a couple of different flavors. Then, rent a movie like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or more romantic, Chocolat to continue the theme. Alternatively, you can melt chocolate and create chocolate covered strawberries or cherries together as a fun activity.

Drive-In

If you can get your hands on a home projector, this is a very impressive idea. Ask around for anyone who has one you can borrow, and treat your date to an old-fashioned night at the drive-in. Project a film onto the side of a house, a garage, or even a sheet tied between two trees. You can purchase popcorn, Coke in glass bottles, and movie-style candy, and either literally watch in the car, or sit on chairs. If you really want to impress her, bring the couch outside so you can get comfy and snuggle up.

The common theme that runs through all these inexpensive dates is forethought, planning, and effort. These are truly what most women want out of their men after all is said and done. In the process though, you can have some creative, memorable dates for under around $20.
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6 Tips to Help You Clear Your Single Lifestyle Clutter

As soon as the sun starts shining and the birds flutter around the feeder in my garden, I develop this uncontrollable urge to clean out the clutter from my life. I start with my desk drawers and end up cleaning out my bedroom closet, and my telephone book. I also start feeling more hopeful and optimistic about my life. There is just something about the warming weather, blooming flowers, and more sunny days than cold rainy ones that make me want to start anew. It is time to make your life clear and fresh with less home-clutter and even less mind-clutter.

Over the years I have discovered that this is the exact same feeling I get when I’m doing something I love, like writing or painting, falling in love, or getting rid of a relationship that seems more toxic than tonic. Clutter can sneak up on you over time, and when you are single and there isn’t anyone around to help keep you in check about the amount of stuff filling your rooms, it’s easy to find yourself feeling unfocused and unhappy. So, here are a few tips to help you keep a close check on your inner and outer clutter magnet:

1. Let go of out-dated items. If you have lots of clothing that you haven’t worn for at least a year, take it to a salvation store. Or, if you have items that can be sold at a consignment shop, take them in too.

2. Get rid of negative people in your life. They are the ones who make a point of bringing you down and never seem to have a nice word of encouragement. It’s time to say good-bye. These kinds of people are like parasites sucking away at your self-esteem and zest. Make it a clean break and don’t worry about their well-being – they will always find another ‘’host’’ to feed from.

3. Sell those old DVD’s and CD’s that you no longer listen to or watch. Download the music onto your computer, or compile then onto as few discs as possible. Sell the originals and use the extra cash to buy paint for your new office or bedroom.

4. Get active! Nothing makes you feel greater than the feeling you will have when you find a purpose in life. Finding time to help strangers, family, or friends, will do wonders for your mood. If you have extra time during the week or at weekends, volunteer your time to some lonely shut-ins, or a teenager who is in need of a mentor. If you have a marketable skill and are good with people, hire out your services to companies or schools who may need your expertise. One of the joys of being single is that you don’t have to report to anyone but yourself at the end of the day. Moreover, those days can be as full or as relaxed as you deem them.

5. Take up a new language or other interesting hobby. However, always make certain that you have time to follow it through. The purpose of starting out fresh is to make you feel optimistic and hopeful, so you want to verify that you have the time, energy, or money needed to make this a reality instead of something that will cause you more headaches and stress.

6. Open your life to healthy and happy relationships. Don’t cling to an old flame. Let them go! Don’t hold onto fear either, nothing positive ever happens when you hold on to things you no longer need. Besides, you have lots more adventures ahead of you for the next ‘’spring cleaning’’ time.

Whatever you decide to do, make certain that you have fun. The purpose of spring-cleaning is to make room for better things in your life. So, open up those doors, throw out the old, and let the fresh and new back into your life.
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Alternative Adult Lifestyle: Single Dating and Relationships with a Twist

Alternative lifestyle can be defined as a mode of living or doing something in a way that is not within the accepted norms or values. Adult alternative lifestyle is simply an unusual sexual lifestyle.

Some activities considered alternative adult lifestyles include (But Not Limited to):

1. BDSM: This stands for Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Domination and Submission (D&S), and Sado-Masochism (S&M). As the definition suggests, BDSM involves bondage, that is restraining or being restrained, domination as well as submission, Sadism (taking pleasure in inflicting pain on another person) and masochism (taking pleasure in being subjected to a certain degree of pain).

2. Swinging: This can be defined as a form of recreational social and sexual activity between consenting adults whereby partner swapping is acceptable. Swinging is also referred to as "wife swapping", but this definition is inaccurate as it narrows down the activity and makes it look like a male domain. "Partner swapping" may be a simpler but more accurate description.

3. Sexual Fetishism: The arousal and/or gratification through some object, or non-genital part of the body. Such object or body part is referred to as the fetish. Fetishes include but are not limited to shoes (boots or high-hills), feet or digits of the foot, hair, underclothes or lingerie, body piercing, clothing (size, garment-type or size), stockings, etc.

4. Polyamory: This is the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. In polyamory there is no partner swapping, as opposed to swinging where swapping is the norm. Polyamorous relationships are usually serious and long term.

Why do people pursue adult alternative lifestyles and relationships? The answers are as many as the individuals. But one that tends to go across the board is- you guessed it- fun. Another reason is fulfillment of sexual fantasies.

There are many more forms and variations of sexual alternative lifestyles than can fit in this article, as well as sub-groupings of the same. For example, Bondage as in the B in BDSM can be considered as a lifestyle on its own.

It is not uncommon for alternative lifestyles to overlap. For example, at a swinger's party (an alternative lifestyle), one person may be getting a body part pierced (a fetish), a man may be receiving a spanking while restrained in chains (BDSM) from a woman in leather garments and boots (dress or shoe fetish), while a polyamorous trio (an alternative lifestyle) may be joined by another couple for a sexual activity.

Thinking of exploring your alternative, fantasy or fetish? There are dating sites specifically dedicated to adult alternative lifestyle, where people of like interests get to meet.
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5 Simple Strategies for a Happier Single Life

If you had to write down a motto that described your single life philosophy, what would it be? "Single life is not for the faint hearted?" "One day at a time?" Sometimes, when we are going on with our everyday lives, a wave of unhappiness can come at us out of nowhere and send us into a fit of uncertainty or depression. Yes, unhappiness can creep up on you even while you are busy going on with your life. It can cause you to change your previous motto from "If I’m unhappy, I can make some positive changes" to "What’s the point?"

When being single makes you feel lonely and depressed it is time to go through some of the endless possibilities of change that can bring happiness into your life. Knowing the freedom that being single brings can actually be exhilarating and liberating. The fact is, when you are single you do not have to consult any person, other than yourself, when you want to make important decisions that will change your life for the better. Being single gives you this kind of freedom, and with freedom comes personal responsibility.

But it is important to note, that if you take the motto "If you’re unhappy, it’s time to make some positive changes" that you do not make those "changes" quickly. By going too fast it may lead to making some decisions that you may later regret. While the first idea that pops into your head may be the simplest, it may not address the root of the issues. Finding the underlying cause of your unhappiness is imperative and sometimes it may take getting some distance from your daily life to get the perspective you need.

5 Simple Strategies to Help Guide You to Greater Happiness:

1. Take a day trip or schedule a weekend spa getaway with the objective being to mull over the things in your life that are not working for you as a single person. Buy a special notebook, something beautiful and personal, and use this book to keep a journal of your thoughts and any decisions you make. Taking a break from your daily life enables you to get a better perspective on your life.

2. Get a pet. If you have the kind of job whose hours make it possible to have a pet, then by all means, get a pet. There is no better way to bring you out of your funk than having a wonderful critter to care for. However, if you simply do not have any extra time to devote to the care of a pet, then find something that can make you feel needed and only requires the time that you have available. This can be houseplants, a small herb garden, or, if you are a computer person, a "virtual" pet that you can adopt online.
The important thing to remember is that you must look for changes in your life that will make you less focused on being alone, and more focused on being happy.

3. If you do not like sleeping alone, then treat yourself to a "snuggle-buddy" pillow. These are pillows that you can curl your arms and legs around, or you can curl up into them in the same way that you would snuggle into the arms of a partner. Now, I can already hear the gasps of "is she kidding?" No, I am not. One of the things I missed the most was snuggling up to a warm body and drifting off to sleep. However, when I made the investment in getting one of these pillows, I found that I slept much better and I rarely thought about the fact that I was sleeping alone. Try it. You may like it.

4. Exercise, exercise, exercise! I cannot emphasize this enough. Even if you can only spare ten minutes a day, do something. Get your body moving. You will feel so much better having done so. Moreover, if you are truly motivated, decide today that you will prepare for a marathon of some sort. Volunteer to walk for a cause, or get a DVD and make a personalized workout plan all your own.

5. Lastly, include in your strategy a game plan to take better care of yourself. This may be the most important choice you make. Being healthy will make you feel happier, and when you feel better, you make better choices in your life. Instead of spending time thinking about what you do not have in your life, take the time to care for your wellbeing. Set up a space in your home or apartment that is devoted entirely to your personal growth and health. Whether you use this space for meditation, or as a place to sit and read books about better nutrition – use a portion of your day, and a section in your home, just for you.

Having a happier single life is really up to you. But, you must decide that you are worth the time and energy it will take to create a personal motto that will motivate you to strive for feeling less lonely and less out of sorts. Decide now to feel more joy and happiness, and it will become a reality.
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4 Quick Ways to Enjoy the Single Lifestyle

Some people may argue that as we grow older, and wiser, ‘’experience’’ makes us less innocent. But why can’t we enjoy maturity AND have fun at the same time? Do we really have to trade one in for the other? We need to take a step back and reclaim our right to just have fun. Period. Let’s salvage our ‘’joie de vivre’’ before we loose it entirely and end up not finding the pleasure in anything in our lives.
Having fun means finding the best of ourselves, and sharing that greatness with others only if we choose to do so.

Here are a few ways to have fun, either alone, or with others:

1. Take a Hike. Seriously. Take a nice, long, meditative walk somewhere peaceful and serene. If you are the athletic type, go for a walk where there are challenging trails and pride yourself in being able to enjoy whatever challenges nature throws in your path. If you prefer a milder way of enjoying nature – go for a walk through one of your favorite public gardens or nature trails. Don’t forget to spend the time thinking about all the things that you have to be thankful for in your life. No negative ‘’mind chatter’’ is allowed to accompany you on this trip.

2. Take up a new hobby or language that you have always wanted to know. Don’t worry about whether you have the time or the energy to start something new. Or whether you think you are intelligent enough to pick up new information in your life. Just do it and enjoy the time that you do have to devote to your new venture. Get some books from the library or take a class at the local community center. Do it for yourself, and no one else. In fact, see if you can start this project without mentioning it to any one else. Decide that you are going to have fun learning something new without the consent or opinions of others. This is your very own project to be completed when you decide it is time.


3. Book an afternoon at a spa. Get a facial, or massage, or just sit in a sauna and meditate. Bring a good book with you and spend an hour or two just thinking of nothing but comfort and how much you deserve to be pampered for the day. If you can’t afford a spa then make your own at home. Shut out the rest of the world for the afternoon and make your very own spa day at home. Give yourself a facial steam with soothing herbs followed by a pedicure or manicure. Put some thin slices of fresh cucumber in a pitcher of ice water and sip on the cooling mixture throughout the day. Play relaxing music and put your feet up. You can always get back to the daily grind the following day. But for now, this is your time.

4. Two words – Board Games! Get out your favorite board game, invite a few friends over and have a game party. This completely ridiculous act can be a whole lot of fun. Make it as simple or as festive as you wish. But make it fun. Go ahead, revert to your childhood days and bring a few friends along for the ride.

Just remember that fun doesn’t have to be complicated, and being a single adult doesn’t have to mean that you can’t be a bit silly at times. Do the things that bring a smile to your face because then you know that you are on the right track.
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Loving Your Single Self

When we think of our sense of self, whom do we see? Is it someone who is a good daughter? A good girlfriend? A wonderful wife? A great single mother? Or, do you define yourself based on what you do? Do you see yourself as an average student, an efficient secretary, a compassionate lawyer, an attentive teacher, or any number of jobs that women do in our culture? Is your vision of your self yours, or did someone else grace you with his or her definition of ‘’you?’’

So much of how we see ourselves has been formed by the roles and qualities that our family and peers assign us that it is easy to lose sight of our fundamental sense of self. Sometimes, these ‘’perceptions’’ are so forceful that we change who we really are in order to fit the mold that has been chosen for us. Until one day, we look in the mirror unable to identify the woman at whom we are looking.

Challenging these perceptions can seem scary, feel dangerous, and we end up doing things that sabotage our chances at happiness and success in order to play-it-safe, or worse, to be ‘’liked’’ by others. How often have you found yourself skipping a meeting that may have helped advance your career? Perhaps, you found other ways of avoiding success like putting off an important decision until the last moment, or constantly being late and ill prepared. But confronting this challenge can open our world to a new way of thinking about ourselves and give us the chance to discover our full potential.

What are your core beliefs?

What are some of your fundamental beliefs? Has your belief system been dictated by your family’s voice, or your cultural or religious upbringing? Do you believe the things that your parents or peers believe, or do you feel that you have no choice and must conform? Examining your core beliefs give you an opportunity to discover which ideas work for you and which ideas do not. By asking yourself essential questions, you are getting in touch with your true nature. You will be embarking on a process that is designed to steer you towards fulfillment and satisfaction. Rediscover the things you feel strongly about. Ask yourself what you believe inspires you to greatness.

Questioning yourself can become an important tool in raising your level of awareness and gaining control of your life. However, the questions you ask need to be honest with no concern as to how others may perceive your answers. They should be questions that challenge you in a way that makes it easier to know whom you really are deep inside. Because without this self-knowledge it is difficult to learn from our pasts, to accept and love the people we are, and to make the changes we want to make in our lives. Tapping into your true potential involves re-examining your fundamental view of your self, your limitations and finding your true purpose.

Let go of negative self-talk;
Listen to the words your inner voice uses as it speaks to you in difficult times. Is it a kind and compassionate voice the reassures you? Does your inner voice guide you in ways that help you relax and take things into perspective? The way we ‘’self-talk’’ can make the difference between going forward or our remaining stagnant and immobilized by fear. Being kind to yourself is not and ‘’option,’’ it is as essential to our wellbeing as the water we drink and the air we breathe. Make it a habit to set aside time to re-evaluate the things that you find essential to making you the person you want to be, and if you do not already love that woman looking back at you every morning in the mirror, decide today that you are going to do whatever it takes to fall in love with your ‘’self.’'
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Single Dating Again

Recently, I got a letter from a friend of mine named Carol who has decided to give Internet dating a try. She had never tried dating online before and didn’t know anyone who had had any experience using it. She is in her early fifties, travels a lot, and rarely has time to develop an ongoing relationship. Carol is a confident, successful woman with a degree in international law. She concluded that the only way she was going to meet someone who could share her love of travel was going to be on the web.

She met a man, whom she liked, and they began writing one another. They exchanged mail daily, sometimes several times a day. Then, as suddenly as the correspondence to flight, it crashed without warning. It had been two weeks and he has not written her back during this time.

She was frantic and wrote me a long letter asking me some questions that had come up for her in retrospect. Questions such as, how often should she write him without sounding desperate? How many times should she email him in a period of a week and not seem too anxious? When is a good time to accept a meeting date after your first cyber contact? And where should your first meeting take place? And before I knew it, my confident, successful, intelligent friend had disappeared. She was replaced by a ‘’Pod-Woman’’ who looked like Carol, but was void of all her lovely self-assured traits.

One of the things I personally dislike about being single – especially being single and over 40 – is that the rules for dating etiquette are constantly changing. I can barely keep up with the latest film release let alone what I’m supposed to know and when I’m supposed to know it when it comes to starting all over again. And this uncertainty can make it fertile ground for self-doubt. If I’m not careful enough to keep perspective on my objectives and who I know myself to be, I can quite easily loose my footing and tumble into the abyss of ‘’fear.’’

But even having said this, I still find that it is easy to feel insecure when we are wandering though new territories. And Carol, even though she was doing something brave by making the decision to take control of her situation and try an online dating service – found herself becoming insecure about a situation that she had little control.

The questions brought up bigger issues for her, and for me - Issues such as our place in this world as women of a certain age who are single. Single either by choice or by circumstance. We found comfort in taking a step back and looking at the state of affairs from a different vantage point.

It turned out that the ‘’man-in-question’’ had a legitimate reason for not getting in touch with her for a fortnight. And they have now resumed their online relationship. But one thing has changed – Carol is no longer possessed by the temporary ‘’Pod-Woman’’ and the brief experience taught us both a valuable lesson. The foundations of our confidence must be built on concrete beliefs; otherwise, that foundation will crumble like sand at the first sign of trouble.
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Adult Lifestyle: How to Get Guys to Respond to Your Online Dating Profile

Getting a guy to respond to your online dating profile is not so difficult, but it is widely over thought to the point where many people think it is a lot harder than it is. So, here are some things to remember when creating your online dating profile.

First, remember to above all, be yourself. You need to be yourself, not someone else when you are dating online. If you don't think that someone would want you, you are wrong. Where you really get into trouble is when you start trying to be somebody you are not. When you try to do this,
you come off as shallow or dishonest, which are not things that will attract nice guys.

Second, the best way to get guys to respond to your online dating profile is with your picture. You need to take a cute photo of yourself that will flatter your better features. If your face is the feature that you want to promote on your online dating profile, make sure the photo flatters this feature and make it look its best.

If your body is what you want guys to see, include a whole body photo instead of just a head and shoulders shot. Remember that you are not trying to promote a different person, but rather the best version of you that is possible. It is not really necessary to get a professional photo taken, but rather, it is actually better to take one yourself.

So, here's what you should do. Get your best friend to take some pictures of you. In addition to what I said earlier, try taking pictures at funky angles, not at typical ones. These angles, sort of like the ones you see on Myspace and Facebook, can really make you look like you have a lot of character, which you do.

You need to define yourself through this picture. Once your best friend believes that a picture represents you, and you get one that you feel good about and post them to your online dating profile, you are ready to go. Remember that this picture is the first step to getting someone interested in you online and traffic to your online dating profile.

Third, when it comes time to write about you, be lively and talk about your interests on your online dating profile. Writing a dating profile that catches someone's eye sounds, at first, like an easy job. But then, you sit down at your computer, and go blank. What should you say? What shouldn't you say? What shouldn't you include? Are there any special secrets that you can learn to catch more looks online?

As funny as it sounds, many people actually over-think their dating profiles by thinking that they have to write something groundbreaking and intellectual. Actually, the complete opposite is true. You just need to write a profile that is purely you. That is what someone is looking for. If what describes you is naturally intellectual, then it will come off that way, and intellectual people will notice you. If, however, you have a flair for the "flightier", than you can attract people who are looking for you as well.

You see, writing an online dating profile should not be something you think about over and over. Here is a good method to follow. First, you need to sit down, open up a word processor, and start talking about yourself. Just describe you as accurately as you can. Once you get done with it, read it three times. Of course, correct any spelling and grammatical errors that you see, but also read it for content.

Were there any parts that sounded annoying? Were there any points that you wanted to change? Well, change them! Keep re-working it, keep reading it, and keep making changes until you feel good about it. You know when you have written a good profile when you feel good about it, and feel excited to see it go up on the Website. Review it every once in awhile, and if you need to update it, do so. But if you don't feel the need, than don't sweat it.

Talking about what music you like, what movies you enjoy, and your favorite date ideas are great ways to get responses. At the same time remember not to be overbearing or annoying in your online dating profile.
Intriguing someone and getting guys to visit your online dating profile is not rocket science.

So to recap:

• Be yourself.
• Your picture is the first thing that will attract guys.
• Your online dating profile is the second.

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A Happier Single Lifestyle

Sometimes being single and living alone can feel like a negative rather than a positive choice. It can feel isolating when coming home to an empty house. Or, the lack of intimacy in a life without a relationship may seem like the worse part of living by yourself. This kind of listing can go on endlessly.

The frustration of finding alternatives to companionship can cloud your focus on personal fulfillment and leave you feeling lonesome. And, it doesn’t matter which aspect seems negative, loneliness matters as much as other issues and should not be ignored. So, when being alone starts to feel like something less than a positive choice - it is time to find good healthy reasons why being single can be a stabilizing and harmonious experience.

I find that when I’m feeling pessimistic about something in my life it is usually because of fear. While many people are not afraid of being alone, fear can creep up on you when least expected. It may appear because you had a bad day at the office, car problems, or exchanged angry words with a friend. Things that may be unrelated to your status as a single person can magnify any negatives you unconsciously feel about living alone. Trepidation can get out of control if left unchecked. And before you know it, you may find yourself in a panic about your life.

Focus on personal fulfillment:
Recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is single again after her long-term relationship just ended. She has teenaged children and is on a very limited budget. She mentioned that she wanted to take better care of herself but could not afford going to her local gym. As we spoke, she was getting more depressed about being unable to achieve her goal without having lots of money and not having a partner to lean on.

I noticed that she had a nice television and a DVD player. Moreover, she lived near a public library. She said she could not afford a gym membership and eventually confessed that she would feel uneasy in a spa-like environment. That’s when I realized that she was turning a potentially good situation – good health, desire to go forward – into a negative because of her fear of not having the right ‘’tools’’ for success.

I suggested that we go to the library and look for some exercise DVD’s to rent. Then we bought two 1.5 liter bottles of water at the corner store. After putting the water in another container, we headed off to a nearby park and filled the empty water bottles with sand. And with a bit of safety alterations for the homemade weights, she was now set to start on her goal of exercise and self-improvement.

The time had passed with no mention of feeling depressed or lonely and she was now excited about putting together her new, affordable, workout schedule.

Many women value independence rather than interdependence. It is important to look for alternatives that empower us and not let fear take hold. You don’t have to have lots of money or a relationship in order to make your life fulfilling and harmonious. Many times, everything you need is right within your reach.
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The Art of Shopping Smart (Six Tips for "Thrift" Conscious Singles)

The Art of Shopping Smart (Six Tips for "Thrift" Conscious Singles)
by Jennifer Brown Banks

"One Man's Junk is Another Man's Treasure” There's a common misconception that folks that frequent thrift stores are either “fashion challenged,” cheap, or have cheesy standards.

Though these labels might hold true for some of the bargain hunters found here, many of us are actually quality conscious, fashionable, fabulous, law abiding people from all walks of life and socio-economic backgrounds, who just happen to be savvy about stretching our hard earned dollars.

For me, it's actually about more than saving a buck or two (really it is, mom).:-) Thrift store shopping is an adventure!

I love the fact that it's like “treasure hunting” for adults! I kid you not. You can find everything from missing parts to your no-longer manufactured vacuum cleaner, to antique china items, to hair weave, to beautiful handmade jewelry, to arts and crafts items, to hard to find classical music.

In fact, some of my most fashionable “finds” have been discovered while combing the isles of my local store. Like my stylish, leather Gloria Vanderbilt black vest, or my many pairs of designer jeans.

Yep, many consumers would be surprised to learn that thrift stores also carry designer wear, as well as new, never-used items everyday. I also love the fact that thrift stores allow a great deal of individuality in your choices. You don't have to settle for carbon copy cuteness.

For example, you won't find 10 of the same pants in the same colors in a size 10 made by the same designer. Which means that you won't shell out a $150.00 bucks for some dress that you wear to an event only to find someone else dressed like your twin. (To make matters worse, she looks better)!

And did I mention that the shoppers are really friendly? That's another plus. You won't typically encounter the tugging and pushing and word wars that can result when females fight over scarce merchandise and sale deadlines. Instead, we're like a secret community. We see each other weekly, have similar mindsets and goals, and to be honest, we feel smarter than our high-end-store-shopping peers!

Why? We're not incurring excessive credit card debt, or dealing with “shoppers' guilt”, or falling victim to the foolish belief that expensive always equals better .

Still, I'm happy to report that our “secret society” is expanding and gaining in popularity every day. Whether it's the economy or simply that shoppers are becoming more enlightened; folks are finding that thrift stores aren't your “granny's store” anymore.

But, be forewarned, there's an art to shopping smart, even at thrift stores. You can't approach this shopping excursion half-cocked! There's a science to it.

Here are some tips to follow for the best experience and for the best savings.

• Remember that it's not where you shop, but how you shop. Look for quality merchandise in good condition. It's quite possible, in fact to find some of the name brands you love on the racks, if you look carefully and diligently.
• Start early. Good gear goes fast here. Everything is on a first come basis. As they say, “the early bird catches the worm.”
• Have a goal in mind and a budget. Just like shopping with credit cards, have an agenda. It's easy to get caught up in the cheap prices and the many treasures. So be mindful of your time, your spending cap, and your objectives.
• Wear comfortable clothing. This is not the place for high heels, heavy purses, or tight restrictive clothing. You can make your fashion statement after you shop.
• Take advantage of sale days. To get more bang for my buck, I often shop on Mondays, when prices at my local spot are 50% off the price tag. Thursdays also offer 25% savings.
• Comparison shop. Know that not all thrift stores are created equally. Even in my own area, the type of stuff sold, the prices, and the quality of merchandise varies. Generally, the more upscale the neighborhood, the better the offerings.

Follow these six tips and you'll soon discover how thrift stores can increase your shopping options and your money mileage!
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6 Friends Every Mom Needs (and how to keep 'em)

6 Friends Every Mom Needs (and how to keep 'em)
By Patricia Curtis

Not long ago, frustrated that my 3-month-old refused to sleep in his brand-new crib, I posted the following on Facebook: "Patty is wondering why Will hates his crib so very much."

Almost instantly, my friend Angela, who had a sleepless 2-month-old of her own at home, sent me several suggestions for getting him to sleep in his crib. One of them actually worked (for a night or two anyway).

A few sleep-deprived weeks later, my Facebook status read: "Patty is glad to be home after locking myself and Will out of the house with a dead cell phone."

This time, I got some advice from a friend whose son is about a year older than mine: Put a spare key in my diaper bag, as I was bound to lock myself out at least one more time. (Great advice. Maybe I'll actually remember to do that someday soon.)..............

Having these friends -- one who was going through the same stuff I was and one who had already been through it -- has been a lifesaver to me. I turn to the been-there, done-that gals for parenting advice, my fellow clueless new-mom peers when I need someone to commiserate with, and my pals without kids when I need a night out -- and, let's be real, a cocktail or two. Parenting: Why motherhood hijacks your brain (and why it's OK)

No matter how old our kids are, we moms need our confidantes. These six are lifesavers -- but before you freak out, thinking, "I don't even have six friends," don't worry: One woman might fill several roles, making you one lucky gal.

The mom in the same boat

Why you need her: She gets it.

Theresa Heroux of Vernon, New Jersey, mom of 4-year-old Julia, spends a lot of time with her friend Erin, who's also a single mom.

"When my married mom friends want to get together, they don't understand why I can't immediately agree. I have to find a babysitter," she says. "They just don't get it. But Erin does. We always have the kids with us when we get together, and even though it's hectic, it's more relaxed because we don't have to worry about finding, paying, and rushing home to relieve a sitter."

How to keep her: Whether the two of you are stay-at-home moms, working moms, or single moms, try to get some one-on-one time without the kids -- and make it fun, says Amy Kovarick, coauthor of "Baby on Board: Becoming a Mother Without Losing Yourself" and a mom of four.

Yes, you're busy with work, the kids, errands, the house, and other craziness, but the more time away from Chuck E. Cheese, the better. Make a date: You both deserve it -- and probably for the exact same reasons!

The no-kids pal

Why you need her: For adult conversation -- and so you can act like you're still cool.

"Mother is my favorite role, but not my only one," says Mary Moore of Austin, Texas, a stay-at-home mom and an author. "It's so hard to get together with other moms because someone's kid always has to nap or go to school or has some other commitment, and we can never easily agree on a time or place to meet," she says. "With my friends who don't have kids yet, that's not an issue."

Another plus: "They're still into the latest restaurants, fashion, and gossip," says Moore. "There are a lot of moms who just say 'Forget it, I'm too crazed,' but that's not me." Parenting: Take a break! Easy ways to pamper yourself

And perhaps best of all, she adds, "They're a respite from all the mom chatter -- like, say, discussing at length the local preschools years before we need to. My single or non-mom friends are testament that there is life outside of 'cookies versus cupcakes.'"

How to keep her: Put aside all the mommy stuff for an hour or two. Take time to find out what's new with her, and be honest with yourself about her reaction to your kid talk. She may eat up your cute stories -- or she may not be so fascinated by the embarrassing thing your 4-year-old said.

As Kovarick puts it, when talking about one of her single friends: "She likes my child and she likes to see him -- kind of like she likes to see my dog."

So when the two meet up, they go halfsies. "I send my son to the babysitter for an hour so we can go for a drink at a restaurant," she says, "then it's back to my house -- with my three-year-old running around." Compromise is key, even if your pal adores your kids.

The been-there, done-that mom

Why you need her: She gets you through your "I don't know what I'm supposed to do next" moments.

For Jen Matlack of Bethel, Connecticut, mom of 3-year-old Mae, this friend is Janet, whose kids are 22 and 20.

"If I have any concerns -- Mae not napping, Mae constipated, Mae not having playdates, or maybe my own parenting worries -- I always check in with Janet. She has offered me a lot of reassuring guidance," says Matlack. "And even though she's my older, wiser parenting friend, she's also a kid at heart, just like me, so when I'm around her, I get the best of both worlds: wisdom but also a wild side."

How to keep her: The good news is that she probably loves giving advice as much as you love getting it.

"Motherhood can seem like a thankless job, so it's great to be recognized and be able to share what you've learned," says Kovarick.

If you've asked for help, try to remember to call and tell her how well her ideas worked out. And even though you may not know yet what it's like to be in her shoes, you can still be a sounding board for her older-kid problems.

The I'll-do-anything-for-you buddy

Why you need her: She'll help you with your garage sale, drive the kids to soccer, and bring over lasagna when you're dealing with a crisis. For Erin Hart of Arlington, Virginia, her husband's best gal pal, Laurie, is this friend.

"When I was pregnant with my second child, we were in the process of redoing our closets, and my baby girl arrived a week early. Let's just say the bag I brought to the hospital was a grocery bag, with a nursing bra, underwear, a toothbrush, and a hairbrush. There wasn't much time."

The day after Erin's daughter Emerson was born, Laurie called a sitter to watch her own two boys, came over, and washed, folded, and organized all the baby's clothes. "It was incredible," says Hart. "She basically dropped everything to come to our rescue. And the first week we were home, she brought over a fully cooked meal. I'll never forget that."

How to keep her: Friendships don't come with vows, like marriages do, says Marla Paul, author of "The Friendship Crisis." It helps to remind your friends that you care.

"So many friendships fall apart because one friend feels neglected," says Paul.

So return the favor. Maybe you don't have the time to drop everything, as she always seems to, but make an effort. When she's going through a tough time (or even having a tough week), instead of cooking the family a homemade meal, as she might, drop off a pizza or a gift certificate for her favorite Chinese takeout.

The slightly glam girlfriend

Why you need her: For inspiration (it is possible to be a fashionable mom), advice (how does she get out the door looking so great?), and a wardrobe you can borrow.

My friend Mary fits neatly (of course) into this slot for me. Every photo she e-mails me of her and her daughter shows the two of them looking gorgeous, whether in their matching bikinis or out to dinner at a fancy restaurant I couldn't imagine going to with a kid.

How to keep her: You admire your friend's got-it-togetherness, so tell her, says Kovarick. She surely works hard at it and will appreciate the compliment. Watch out for your own jealousy or embarrassment, though.

Most of us feel that way sometimes, but if she's a real friend, she's not trying to make you feel bad about your relative lack of style or organization. She likes you for you -- though if you're still wearing mom jeans, maybe she can help you trade up.

The brutally honest pal

Why you need her: We all need to hear the truth sometimes. It can sting, true, even if you asked for your friend's opinion. But if she cares enough to tell you not just what you want to hear, then she's a keeper.

For many women, sisters play this role; for others, it's a longtime friend, or a particularly outspoken newer one. The trick is distinguishing between someone who's just bossy and someone who actually puts thought about you into her opinions. You'll know the difference (one clue: If she only ever criticizes your choices, she's not helping).

How to keep her: It may take a day or two for you to digest what she's told you, but once you have done so, call your friend and thank her for being honest -- even if you don't agree, says Kovarick.

We don't have to be exactly like our friends -- Twitter would be seriously boring if we were -- as long as we look out for each other, even while we're looking out for our kids.
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Golf Fitness Challenge

Don't you think it's interesting that athletes in every other sport go on to break records like running (the four minute mile barrier) and baseball (record home runs), yet golfers still can't break 80, or even 90 after years and years of practicing and playing? I bet a few of you have yet to break 100 and haven't seen any rewards for the hours and hours of effort you have put in. Maybe you've read the same statistic we have. Did you know the National Golf Foundation reports the average male handicap is 16.2 and the average female handicap is 28.0.

But, here's the real problem. Did you know that these same statistics haven't changed for over 20 years? Yes, it's true. The average male and female golf handicap is exactly the same as it was way back then. Now, how the heck is this possible?

• Is it because we don't have access to enough swing instruction information to help us improve?
  
  
• Is it because we aren't seeing advances in equipment, balls or technology so there is no way to get better?
  
  
• Or maybe we don't have good role models on today's tour to set good examples?

Surely you don't believe any of those three are true. Maybe, just maybe, it is the opposite...

Maybe there is just too much technology and too much information and no way to know how to process it...and maybe, just maybe...

There are too many golf fitness and exercise programs and it is simply too confusing to try and choose one. In fact, here is what one of our readers and avid golfers Gus Mestak asked...

For More Detailed Information: Golf Fitness Challenge

In the process of this confusion, there must be some questions we're not asking and answers we're not getting. But, what? What are we missing? What is the real secret to improvement with the game.

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ADHD: What Parents Should Know

What is ADHD?

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is the name of a group of behaviors found in many children and adults. People who have ADHD have trouble paying attention in school, at home or at work. They may be much more active and/or impulsive than what is usual for their age. These behaviors contribute to significant problems in relationships, learning and behavior. For this reason, children who have ADHD are sometimes seen as being "difficult" or as having behavior problems.

ADHD is common, affecting 4% to 12% of school-age children. It's more common in boys than in girls. You may be more familiar with the term attention deficit disorder (ADD). This disorder was renamed in 1994 by the American Psychiatric Association (APA).

What are the symptoms of ADHD?

The child with ADHD who is inattentive will have 6 or more of the following symptoms:

• Has difficulty following instructions
• Has difficulty keeping attention on work or play activities at school and at home
• Loses things needed for activities at school and at home
• Appears not to listen
• Doesn't pay close attention to details
• Seems disorganized
• Has trouble with tasks that require planning ahead
• Forgets things
• Is easily distracted

The child with ADHD who is hyperactive/impulsive will have at least 6 of the following symptoms:

• Fidgety
• Runs or climbs inappropriately
• Can't play quietly
• Blurts out answers
• Interrupts people
• Can't stay in seat
• Talks too much
• Is always on the go
• Has trouble waiting his or her turn

What should I do if I think my child has ADHD?

Talk with your child's doctor. A diagnosis of ADHD can be made only by getting information about your child's behavior from several people who know your child. Your doctor will ask you questions and may want to get information from your child's teachers or anyone else who is familiar with your child's behavior. Your doctor may have forms or checklists that you and your child's teacher can fill out. This will help you and your doctor compare your child's behavior with other children's behavior.
Your doctor will do vision and hearing tests if these tests haven't been done recently.

Your doctor may recommend trying medicine to see if it helps control your child's hyperactive behavior. A trial of medicine alone cannot be the basis for diagnosing ADHD. However, it can be an important part of evaluating your child if ADHD is suspected.

It might be hard for your doctor to tell if your child has ADHD. Many children who have ADHD aren't hyperactive in the doctor's office. For this reason, your doctor may want your child to see someone who specializes in helping children who have behavior problems, such as a psychologist.

What causes ADHD?

Children who have ADHD do not make enough chemicals in key areas in the brain that are responsible for organizing thought. Without enough of these chemicals, the organizing centers of the brain don't work well. This causes the symptoms in children who have ADHD. Research shows that ADHD is more common in children who have close relatives with the disorder. Recent research also links smoking and other substance abuse during pregnancy to ADHD.

Things that don't cause ADHD:

• Bad parenting (though a disorganized home life and school environment can make symptoms worse)
• Too much sugar
• Too little sugar
• Aspartame (brand name: Nutrasweet)
• Food additives or colorings
• Food allergies or other allergies
• Lack of vitamins
• Fluorescent lights
• Too much TV
• Video games

What can I do to help my child?

A team effort, with parents, teachers and doctors working together, is the best way to help your child. Children who have ADHD tend to need more structure and clearer expectations. Some children benefit from counseling or from structured therapy. Families may benefit from talking with a specialist in managing ADHD-related behavior and learning problems. Medicine also helps many children. Talk with your doctor about what treatments he or she recommends.

What medicines are used to treat ADHD?

Some of the medicines for ADHD are methylphenidate (some brand names: Ritalin, Concerta), dextroamphetamine (brand name: Dexedrine), pemoline (brand name: Cylert), atomoxetine (Strattera), and a combination drug called Adderall. These medicines improve attention and concentration, and decrease impulsive and overactive behaviors. Other medicines can also be used to treat ADHD.

What can I do at home to help my child?

Children who have ADHD may be difficult to parent. They may have trouble understanding directions. Children who are in a constant state of activity can be challenging for adults. You may need to change your home life a bit to help your child. Here are some things you can do to help:

• Make a schedule. Set specific times for waking up, eating, playing, doing homework, doing chores, watching TV or playing video games, and going to bed. Post the schedule where your child will always see it. Explain any changes to the routine in advance.
• Make simple house rules. It's important to explain what will happen when the rules are obeyed and when they are broken. Write down the rules and the results of not following them.
• Make sure your directions are understood. Get your child's attention and look directly into his or her eyes. Then tell your child in a clear, calm voice specifically what you want. Keep directions simple and short. Ask your child to repeat the directions back to you.
• Reward good behavior. Congratulate your child when he or she completes each step of a task.
• Make sure your child is supervised all the time. Because they are impulsive, children who have ADHD may need more adult supervision than other children their age.
• Watch your child around his or her friends. It's sometimes hard for children who have ADHD to learn social skills. Reward good play behaviors.
• Set a homework routine. Pick a regular place for doing homework, away from distractions such as other people, TV and video games. Break homework time into small parts and have breaks.
• Focus on effort, not grades. Reward your child when he or she tries to finish school work, not just for good grades. You can give extra rewards for earning better grades.
• Talk with your child's teachers. Find out how your child is doing at school--in class, at playtime, at lunchtime. Ask for daily or weekly progress notes from the teacher.

Will my child outgrow ADHD?

We used to think children would "grow out" of ADHD. We now know that is not true for most children. Symptoms of ADHD often get better as children grow older and learn to adjust. Hyperactivity usually stops in the late teenage years. But about half of children who have ADHD continue to be easily distracted, have mood swings, hot tempers and are unable to complete tasks. Children who have loving, supportive parents who work together with school staff, mental health workers and their doctor have the best chance of becoming well-adjusted adults.

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Parenting Tips

I love my children, but being a parent can be so hard!
Being a parent can be a joy, but it's also a tough job. No parent is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Even loving parents sometimes do things they don't mean to do, such as yell at a child or call a child a bad name. But if you think you're having trouble controlling yourself, get help so a pattern of abuse doesn't start.

I get so frustrated sometimes. Is this normal?
Yes, all parents get frustrated. Children take a lot of time and energy. Parenting is even harder when you have problems in your own life, such as worries about your job, your bills or your relationships, or problems with alcohol or drugs. To be a good parent, you have to first take care of yourself. That means getting help for your problems.

What can I do when I feel frustrated?
Take a break. Everyone needs a break from being a parent once in a while. If you have another adult in your family, take turns getting away. For example, have your partner stay with the children so you can visit friends. Take turns sleeping late on the weekends. If you're a single parent, ask friends and relatives to help by running some errands for you or watching your child while you go out.

I sometimes lose my temper. Does that mean I'm a bad parent?
No, many parents lose their temper with their children. It's okay to feel angry, but it's not okay to take it out on your children. When you're really angry, take a break. For example, take your children for a walk or call a friend to come help you. If you feel angry with your child almost every day or have trouble controlling your temper, get some help by talking to your family doctor. He or she can offer advice and provide resources to help you. There are groups that can help parents, also.

Is it okay to spank my child?
Spanking isn't the best way to discipline children. The goal of discipline is to teach children self-control. Spanking may teach children to stop doing something out of fear. There are better ways to discipline children.

One good way for infants and toddlers is called "redirecting." When you redirect a child, you replace an unwanted (bad) behavior with an acceptable (good) behavior. For example, if throwing a ball inside the house isn't allowed, take your child outside to throw the ball.

With older children, try to get them to see the consequences of their actions and to take responsibility for them. For example, you can explain to your child that everyone had to wait for dinner because he or she didn't set the table when asked. Explain that your child has to wash the dishes after dinner because he or she didn't set the table before dinner.

How can I be a good parent?
There's not just one right way to raise children. And there's no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child. But here are some guidelines to help your children grow up healthy and happy:

• Show your love. Every day, tell your children: "I love you. You're special to me." Give lots of hugs and kisses.
• Listen when your children talk. Listening to your children tells them that you think they're important and that you're interested in what they have to say.
• Make your children feel safe. Comfort them when they're scared. Show them you've taken steps to protect them.
• Provide order in their lives. Keep a regular schedule of meals, naps and bedtimes. If you have to change the schedule, tell them about the changes ahead of time.
• Praise your children. When your children learn something new or behave well, tell them you're proud of them.
• Criticize the behavior, not the child. When your child makes a mistake, don't say, "You were bad." Instead, explain what the child did wrong. For example, say: "Running into the street without looking isn't safe." Then tell the child what to do instead: "First, look both ways for cars."
• Be consistent. Your rules don't have to be the same ones other parents have, but they do need to be clear and consistent. (Consistent means the rules are the same all the time.) If two parents are raising a child, both need to use the same rules. Also, make sure baby-sitters and relatives know (and follow) your family rules.
• Spend time with your children. Do things together, such as reading, walking, playing and cleaning house. What children want most is your attention. Bad behavior is usually an attempt to get your attention.

Who can I ask when I need help raising my child?
There are many ways to get good parenting advice. Sign up for parenting classes offered by hospitals, community centers or schools. Read parenting books or magazines. Talk to your family doctor, a minister, a priest or a counselor.

You can also ask your family doctor for parenting help. Don't be embarrassed to ask. Raising children is hard, and no one can do it alone. Your doctor can help you with issues like discipline, potty training, eating problems and bedtime. Your doctor can also help you find local groups that can help you learn better parenting skills.
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Single: The Difference Between Loving Someone And Being 'In Love'

The Difference Between Loving Someone And Being 'In Love'
By Bonny Albo

Like many of you, I read a lot of dating blogs on a regular basis. One of my favorites is Evan Marc Katz, who some of you may be familiar with for having written Why You're Still Single. Although he's no longer single, having gotten married last year to a woman he met online, he's still dolling out excellent dating advice to his readers.

One such advice column is, "Is It Ok To Love Someone But Not Be In Love". In it, a reader asks what his girlfriend of two and a half years means when she told him she loves him but isn't 'in love' with him anymore, and how that affects their plans to buy a house together and marry within the next year. Katz's response to the reader is bang on, but that's not the reason for this blog posting today.

Rather, I want to talk about the feeling of being 'in love', and how it can blind us to a partnership of our dreams. Katz's blog posting got me thinking about this elusive but oh-so-wonderful feeling, and how we know we're in love in the first place. Also, is saying to someone that you care for them deeply, but aren't feeling that passionate oozy goodness anymore really a bad thing, or is it more an evolution of what truly loving someone is?

Its my opinion that love evolves, similar to what researchers have found when reviewing long term relationships and how feelings change throughout the lifetime of a relationship. There is the 'honeymoon' period, which can last anywhere from a couple of weeks to 18 months or so, where the 'in love' feelings are the most present. The highs are incredibly high, the lows are sometimes a bit scary, and as a whole its a pretty powerful, earth-shattering feeling. This is the stage where people act more impulsively than normal, and say things that they normally wouldn't.

Afterwards, most of us move into a more stable type of love (if the relationship can last through that crazy 'in love' process). Something more dependable, resilient, unconditional appears. Its not as heady for sure, but its the kind of love you know you can spend the rest of your life basking in, enjoying, growing old with.

For some of us, moving from the one stage to the other might feel a bit like 'falling out of love', or not being 'in love' anymore. For others, a crash not unlike a sugar high, and we crave more of that high again so we seek it out again elsewhere. Although I have yet to read any scientific proof that coincides with my feelings on this topic, but its my guess that this is why (and when) many relationships go south. To me, this is the stage where love becomes a choice, not a wave to ride, and for some of us, that wave is a bit too heady and exciting to not live with every single day of our lives. But is it realistic to think we can find that, and are we ending perfectly good, stable, loving relationships in search of it?
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Single: Parental Dating Issues: My Child Dislikes My Boyfriend. What Should I Do?

Question: Parental Dating Issues -- My Child Dislikes My Boyfriend. What Should I Do?
By Jennifer Wolf

Bonny Albo, About.com's Guide to Dating, sent me this question from a reader named Jane, whose child dislikes her boyfriend: I am 33 years old, I and have two kids, ages 6 and 9. My 6-year-old adores the man I'm dating, but my 9-year-old dislikes my boyfriend and is adamantly against him. This concerns me a great deal. We have been dating for almost three years, and this problem has become a big roadblock in our relationship. In addition, my boyfriend has said to me point blank that I need to change my 9-year-old's behavior before he will consider taking things "to the next level." What should I do?

Answer: What to do when your child dislikes your boyfriend is an excellent question. It speaks to the issue of balancing your needs against your kids' needs in regard to the issue of parental dating. However, from your question, it sounds as though there are several issues going on at once.

1. You're not happy with the relationship as it is.
2. Your son dislikes your boyfriend pretty strongly.
3. Your boyfriend has an issue with your child's behavior.

Where to Start

My first question for you is this: Do you have a problem with your child's behavior? I'm also wondering whether your boyfriend is referring to your son's reluctance to connect and build a relationship with him, or whether there is some other behavioral issue that concerns him.

If you do have a problem with your child's behavior, I would advise you to start there. Deal with that before making any other decisions. You may find, too, that you need to cut back on your time away from the kids while addressing the behavioral concerns that you have.

Determine the Real Issue

A lot of people would tell you that if your child dislikes your boyfriend, you should automatically end the relationship. However, a 9-year-old is savvy enough to know that a parental dating relationship is naturally going to take some time and attention away from him, and the quickest way to rebel against that is to reject the person you're dating. Therefore, it's important to determine whether your son dislikes your boyfriend for a good reason that you don't yet recognize, or whether your son needs to realize that while he and his brother are your top priority, they don't rule every decision you make.

To make sure that your son's reluctance is not based on a good reason not to like your boyfriend, I would recommend asking a couple of close friends or family members whether they have any concerns. If they do, then you need to pay attention closer attention to whether this is really the right relationship for you.

Talk it Over With Your Son

However, if you think your son dislikes your boyfriend in an effort to initiate a power struggle, I would recommend that you carve out some one-on-one time with your son to discuss the relationship. If you envision yourself remarrying at some point, let your son know that is a desire you have. If it's appropriate, you can also let your son know that you, too, are disappointed that your relationship with his father can not be salvaged, and in light of that, you're ready to move on.

Go ahead and share with him some of the criteria you look for in a man, and let him know how your boyfriend meets those criteria. For example, "I'm really looking for someone who treats me with respect and is caring and considerate." Then, share a story or two about a time when your boyfriend revealed those qualities to you.

Conclude the conversation by telling your son that you love him unconditionally and hope that he will support you in your happiness. In addition, ask him whether there is anything you can do to make the transition easier on him.

Once you've had that conversation, I would suggest creating some opportunities for your son and your boyfriend to get to know one another better in a way that is non-threatening. For example, try to get out of the house and do something fun together, and see how the opportunity to be playful together impacts their relationship.

Address Any Concerns You Have With Your Boyfriend, Too

At the same time, if you feel your boyfriend is being too hard on your son, or has unrealistic expectations, you need to talk with him about these feelings. Taking things to the next level without resolving such an important issue would only be an invitation for more discord between your son and your boyfriend.

Finally, make an effort to be extra sensitive to your son while working through these concerns. Coping with parental dating can be extremely difficult for kids. It may be that your son dislikes your boyfriend out of a sense of being displaced or left out. Any effort you can invest toward resolving those feelings will go a long way toward achieving the sense of harmony you're looking for.

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Dating Problems: Confessions of a Professional Matchmaker

Don't Make These Mistakes When Searching for Love

by

Terri Arnold

I was a professional matchmaker for several years - trying to help singles meet others with whom they shared common interests and complementary personality traits. I met with my clients in person and they were screened to ascertain
their real names, addresses, education, marital status. Most importantly, I tried to help them determine the type of person they were really seeking and that's where most of the problems arose.

Even though my clients verbalized that they were happy to be matched based upon compatibility, this was not true! The major problems I encountered were:

1) A number of clients were seeking others mainly based on appearance.

I would show each new client photos of existing clients based on their characteristics as well as their appearance. Unattractive people sometimes became offended when I matched them with their physical counterparts. A dowdy sixtyish woman asked me, "Is that what you think of me?" when I attempted to match her with men in her age and looks category. Many clients seemed to be totally unaware of how they looked to others and wanted matches that were highly inappropriate. With these people, compatibility had no bearing on their matches. They wanted the best looking people in my book!

2) Some clients refused to compromise - even when matched with someone they liked!

I matched two extremely overweight people who liked each other immediately and went out on several dates. Before their last meeting for a Sunday movie date, the woman asked to meet at 7:00 pm instead of the 5:30 show. The man became annoyed, broke the date, and immediately ended their budding relationship. He, who was a part-time telemarketer, told me he needed time on Sunday evenings "to get ready for his work on Monday." Because she needed to reschedule their date, he was totally turned off to her regardless of his prior interest and their compatibility.

3) Others had a Wish List for their Perfect Person and expected me to find the person on that list for them.

One divorced man in his late 30's expressed a desire for a woman who had a specific type of nose. (Really!) A never-married woman in her early 30's with pale blonde hair and very light skin wanted a man with very, very dark skin (but not an African-American), who earned at minimum $75,000
per year, was not in Sales, had never been married and had no children. I had twelve men who matched her description in my data base but she found something wrong with each one and refused to go out with any of them. She then complained about my service and was upset because she 'had not had even one date'.

AARRGGHH!!! An Indian medical student saw her photo and was instantly smitten. They had many things in common and each was what the other was seeking. He was very excited about meeting her; however, before they met, he wanted a guarantee of a successful relationship which I of course could not give him. They never met and as far as I know, both are still single and searching.....

My advice: Don't shoot yourself in the foot! If you are meeting a lot of people and just can't seem to connect, ask yourself if you really want a relationship. Are you ready and willing to be close with another person? If you constantly find fault with others, ask yourself these questions and be a bit more tolerant. Don't expect to find your perfect person because he or she does not exist. Be happy if you find Ms. or Mr. Almost-Perfect. Good luck!
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